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Aug. 18th, 2005 @ 11:53 pm
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I guess this is it. No more climbing. |
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Today
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Aug. 15th, 2005 @ 11:07 pm
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I have been listening all day to Jed Madela's second album. I have never appreciated some of his songs until I have listened closely to how he sang them. I am not sure if it is going to make sense if I say he was so honest in the way he sang those songs. I wonder what he has been through. Maybe one day I can ask him that myself. |
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Today
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Aug. 14th, 2005 @ 09:39 pm
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Most of the time at work, when I am not taking in a call, I was either studying for the state board or contemplating on something.
I kinda remembered today, one lesson I heard from my sunday school back when I was in junior high, about us (humans) being half-filled vessels. I was taught that being half-empty we all yearn to be full. Not knowing this, we all seek fullness by unconsciously asking other half-filled vessels to fill us up. Who themselves are expecting us to fill them up too.
I think it becomes terribly messed up when relationships become self-serving. When we get blinded by our need to be loved that we forget to give love in return. Human nature.
However, we always fail to see this flaw in ourselves and end up pointing fingers at those who never love us the way we expect them to. We blame these half-empty vessels and magnify their inability to give up what they have so they can fill us up. Selfish. Demanding. But human.
Selfish... demanding... and human. That's me.
I am never a righteous person but I do believe that God's love is bigger than life. I have never been more amazed at the amount of love I experienced despite of all the abominable mistakes I made in my life. God knew all along, long before He breathe life into me that I will be far from perfect. "FLAWED". More than that, God knew that I will grow up wishing that I could wrestle with Him and win. "ARROGANT". God knew all along how stubborn and foolish I would get... that I would see how much He loves me yet would never care. "INDIFFERENT SON". Despite of it all, he chose to love me with the kind of love that can never get any better because He has already loved me with all His best. This is God's humbling love. The kind I can never achieve... no one can achieve.
Most lately is a lesson I learned in a hard way. I stood face to face with my inadequacy and inability to give love the way I thought I should, which is unconditionally. My love evaporates at the presence of anger. It can't co-exist with my frustrations. I stop feeling love when I don't get enough of it in return.
I am writing about this because I am a strong believer. I made the leap of my lifetime because of love. I fought the biggest battles of my life because of love. I took courage in the presence of darkest and deepest uncertainties because of love. And I am still convinced it's all worth going through. Even though the rest of world tells me it is not.
Anger. Frustration. Self pity. I withstood all the odds before how can I not withstand them again today? I may never love unconditionally but it doesn't mean I have to stop loving with all I have. |
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Today
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Aug. 13th, 2005 @ 11:49 pm
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I finally started taking in calls today at work. After the first four days last week that I was just there sitting and doing nothing and killing myself with boredom. I came close to complaining about the situation. However, the people I asked for help were not the most accomodating superiors at work so I ended up just ignoring it. Well, at least today... I am finally a full pledge customer service specialist for West Corporation.
My stats were pretty good. From my group of friends who were complaining about the turn out of their upsells and tagsells of about 5.5% to around 10% (passing is 11%), I was able to hit 56.7% today, on my first day taking in calls at the floor. Yes! I'm bragging! But, it is not always that I achieve things like this.
Well, today isn't really one of those funnest days. I have things going on inside my head too, that I wish weren't there. But I guess, I have this innert capacity to live more and do more in this kind of times. I am looking into the posibility of getting an online job and be able to make money out of it to serve as my second job. I was able to complete half of the list I have of the companies I have to send resumes to. What I did was look them up on the internet and gather they're email addresses then WUH-LAAAH! "Sent".
I guess it would help to ask anyone who can read this who can help me find more sources of income. Your suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Endorsements even MOOOOOOORE appreciated.
I can remember that one episode in Desperate Housewives were Mary Alice was narrating like... "before we go to bed we always hope that when we wake up in the morning, things will get better." Uh... not exactly like that but about the same thought. Alright. I'm gonna do that now.
Good night world. Good night life. See y'all in the morning. |
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LOVE
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Aug. 11th, 2005 @ 02:03 am
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1 Corinthians 13 says...
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteriesm and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing.
A though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my own body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing.
Love suffereth long and is kind, love envieth not, love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
Beareth all things, believeth all things hopeth all things, endureth all things.
And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.Current Mood:  tired |
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Kuya told me that I was a big fool.
Nanay said love fades... "'yang mahal-mahal na 'yan? Mawawala 'yan."
Kuya said that if i don't turn back from the way I live my life today time will come na gagapang ako.
Today, I realized I own nothing but myself. Not even anything that I have. And worse, today, I'm nearly begging for my own sustenance... material and immaterial.
Then comes the big WHY.
Aug. 3rd, 2005 @ 01:19 am
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| » Today |
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bigboybato : i have a question for dinky
dìñký : ok bbb
dìñký : go for it
bigboybato : do u swing?
¤¿Réñë¤Rõ§ë¿¤ : ok i think he needs some lunch bbs
old_chinese_mahn™ : wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .. swinging ..
8¤¿Réñë¤Rõ§ë¿¤ has left the conversation.
dìñký : no...but I could..I have every opportunity...that's my point...hubby works away, I'm here alone, ....he could be doing anything and everything in the weeks that he's away, and I could be too
bigboybato : alright
dìñký : so there's no point in picking over every little detail when he gets home
bigboybato : i see
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : then you would just spend all his time home fighting about when he is gone
dìñký : he could be asking me if I've spoken to, or flirted with any one.
bigboybato : i think it requires a lot of maturity before one person can start thinking that way
dìñký : and I could do the same with him...but in the end, it doesn't matter,
bigboybato : so tell me what matters
dìñký : he loves me...I love him...and neither of us are going to leave the relationship
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : I don't know bato in my case after you have been with someone a long time the rest of it just doesn't matter so much anymore
old_chinese_mahn™ : MaD HoNkInG MaKeUp SeX !
bigboybato : okie
bigboybato : sigh
dìñký : what's the sigh for?
bigboybato : i dunno.
bigboybato : i just know you all are right
bigboybato : yet i find it difficult to just think the same way u guys do
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : I mean when I first got married I used to ask more questions and pay attention to irrelevant stuff
dìñký : I think you have to go through a lot of shit before you're able to sort it all out in your own head, what's important and what isn't
dìñký : woops...sorry
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : but now it just isn't worth the trouble neither of us is going anywhere so be it
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : someone kick her
bigboybato : i believe so much in fidelity
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : well I think we both operate under the assumption that our partners are faithful until proven otherwise bato lol
dìñký : I see soooo many ppl who see things in only black, or white, and they're prepared to throw everything away if it's grey
bigboybato : and for me, its only either yer ready to be in a relationship or not
bigboybato : yeah, i think im one of those
dìñký : a few years ago, I had to decide, do I throw 100% of my marriage away, just cos I don't like 5% of it? or do I concentrate on the 95% that's good
bigboybato : yeah
bigboybato : sigh again
bigboybato : lol
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : actually I can't say a whole lot about any of it cause we know I'm walking a thin line
dìñký : it's sooo easy to get bogged down by the yucky stuff, and never actually look at what's good
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : yep
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : like hubby has all his porn but I have a BMW lol
bigboybato : i guess, perfect relationships never really happen, no matter how much u try your best to make it perfect from yer end
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : I choose to concentrate on the car lol
old_chinese_mahn™ : I toss everything into the 'happy factor' .. life is short.. how much of my life will I spend being 'happy' vs. not being happy .. if confines of situations = not being happy .. then it's time to seek change..
dìñký : that's it in a nutshell BBB
§êñ§hô€ŭ§™ : having a perfect relaytionship would require having perfect people and they don't exist
bigboybato : BIG SIgh
old_chinese_mahn™ : <--- damn close to perfect .. hahahahahahhahahaaa..
bigboybato :
dìñký : lol ocm
dìñký : be good, and if you're going to start anything...wait for me...
old_chinese_mahn™ : than again.. a lot of my advice.. is geared more to an individual .. than towards a relationship.. you have to know U .. before .. you try to know others..
8dìñký has left the conversation.
bigboybato : i so agree ocm
old_chinese_mahn™ : it's an easy premise to say.. much harder to actualize ..
bigboybato : but, it makes a lot of sense
bigboybato : and for the most part PRACTICAL
Aug. 2nd, 2005 @ 12:33 am
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| » I'm tired |
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sigh
Jul. 31st, 2005 @ 11:29 pm
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| » Cecilia & Arombo |
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Together for more than 60 years, they got separated when he died last January. Yesterday morning, maybe they missed each other so much, she decided to join him in the arms of God.
Pamantayan ko kayo pagdating sa pag-iibigan. Love floats in the air when you guys are together. I love you Lolo and Lola.
Jul. 31st, 2005 @ 02:19 am
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It was made official at 4.30am today, I passed training. Yahoo! I was not able to go through the last screening process. But they still let me through.
Jul. 30th, 2005 @ 10:02 pm
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